Gift-ranting

Today I was talking to a female friend of mine and she asked me what she should get her significant other for their one month anniversary. I had no suggestions, but it did inspire me to go on this RANT.

So if 2 people are "shidduch" dating, do they keep track of the month anniversaries. I would think that they keep track based on dates, and the really "frum" people will be engaged before a month passes, so I guess this isn't a concern. But these people probably aren't reading my RANT, so lets focus more on the typical modern orthodox dating scene, which I proclaim to be a significant part of. I think there should be a service or website that keeps track of when the relationships officially begin so that guys remember when they hit their anniversaries. From what I understand, girls like to write everything down, so they always remember. Also, b/c I am disturbed, I keep a timeline on my wall, with all the different girls I have dated, and break it down into "eras"; this is great b/c its like I am comparing myself to an ancient empire. So maybe I should be in charge of this service that keeps track of when people "officially" start "going out".

The careful reader has probably already noticed the inherent problem in this calculation. What is considered the official beginning of a relationship? This has been a significant issue for me in the past, b/c I never know how to determine when I am actually dating the girl. Its weird to hang out a bunch of times and then say "Will you be my girlfriend?" I think that the true answer is that "acharei rabim l'hatos", we go after what public opinion thinks. If everyone says u r going out with someone, then u r. If you don't like it, get the hell outta there fast. I am definetly not fit to give relationship advice, but I still would advice against actually asking a girl what ur status is with her. Let public opinion answer this question for you, or let her bring it up and answer it. Ok, that was weird, I just felt like I was writing for "dear abby".

These anniversaries create yet another need for giving gifts that will probably be ineffective and useless. There is already the problem of birthdays, and the gifts that go along with them. Let me make this absolutely clear: Do not date a girl, if her birthday will be w/in a month after u start dating. You will be forced to buy her a gift, which will either be not good enough, making her think you are cheap , or too good, making her think you wanna marry her and freak her out. Also, its best if your birthday comes before hers, b/c then she sets the "gift giving precedent", and all you gotta do is follow her lead. This will now be called the "birthday rule."

Let me now talk about some gift problems I have run into. First time I met a girl, I decided to tell her I read philosophy and threw out some names I had heard of. Its unclear why I did this, but it came back to bite me on the rump, when she went and got me a philosophy book from Barnes and Noble. Luckily, I got a gift receipt and I was able to get espn magazine instead. I was gonna say that the moral of this story is don't lie, but I ended up getting a good magazine, so I guess there really is no moral. The best gift I ever got was Madden for PS2; this is really the gift that keeps on giving. But I haven't heard of too many cases like that, so lets continue with the premise that a good gift is very uncommon. I think its a good idea to steer clear of getting clothes for girls. I tried to do this a few times, with a winter hat, and sweatshirt, but I gotta believe that this was a terrible idea. Firstly, how do I know what is considered cool or fashionable for a girl to wear? And secondly, its really awkward to stand around in the woman's section of the store and try to discreetly look through the clothing to find something. I'm always afraid some old lady will run up to me and hit me with her pocketbook, and call me a pervert, even though I'm only looking at sweatshirts. (side point- remember there were ladies that hit u with their pocketbooks in double dragon 2??? )

In closing, I must conclude that the gift-giving issue is indeed a major problem. I would try to limit gifts to 6th month and 1 year anniversary, but I have never lasted that long. Awwwww.
Perhaps, it really is "the thought that counts." So go to a card store, pick out a nice card, pour out ur heart to the girl, and u'll be good to go. Or she'll think ur awkwardly feminine and get weirded out. GN

Snow Day!!!!!!! but not really.

Last night in Philthydelphia, it was snowing and the weatherbug thing told me it would be up to 9 inches. An email went out from law school telling us who to call to find out if class was cancelled. Naturally, a flame of hope was kindled in my belly. strange. But seriously, I thought that this might be my first snow day in law school ever. I was filled with excitement at the proposition of wasting an entire friday, but alas...school is in session. But this won't stop me from making this RANT in respect for the concept of a "snow day."

You see folks, there are 3 types of days that gave us a much-needed break from our mundane and often stressful life in highschool. First, we had the sick day, which was more of an individually imposed break. You needed to get sick and only then could u take the break from school. When I was a youngster, my Mom would take out movies from the library, so I could watch them when I was sick. For some reason it was always the same 3 movies: "Doc Hollywood", "The Burbs", and "Groundhog Day." Lets briefly discuss each of these masterpieces. Doc Hollywood should be famous for being the first PG-13 movie to contain nudity. I'm not sure how the ratings board lets this one go. I guess they just decided that the human body is beautiful or something to that effect.(same rational for titanic??) Anyway, I cannot tell u anything else about this movie, b/c i only remember that it had nudity. Next, "the burbs"...again, I remember absolutely nothing about this movie, but it has to be Tom Hanks absolute worst one. Its a tough call what his best one might have been, but thats a whole nother RANT. Next, "groundhog day", which is a solid pick. But it was really weird that my Mom kept taking out a movie that is about a guy who keeps living the same day over and over again. So everytime I was home sick, and seemingly living the same day over and over, I watched a movie about a guy doing just that. Did anyone just follow that? Me neither, but maybe it explains some of my mental health issues.

The second day that gave us that amazing break was "The Fast Day." Disadvantages include only getting a half day off, and NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT OR DRINK. I dont know about you, but we also had to sit through this long assembely and then daven mincha before we could get outta there. It felt like Andy Dufrein crawling through all the crap to get outta Shawshank. (I'm not saying that Mincha is crap, just that we finally felt free when we got out.whatever) But the fast day was nice, because it was a good day to just play as much video games as possible, untill your eyes no longer work. good times. I wonder what girls did on the fast day, b/c they really dont play video games. Just something to think about.

And this brings us to the "snow day", which I thought I would get a taste of today. The most interesting thing about the snow day was the way it started. The Dean of HANC, Rabbi Gottesman, would look out his window in the early morning hours, and decide if there should be school. So let me get this straight. As far as I know, the dean of the school was in charge of 1)snow days, and 2)ummm... very strange. Anyway, there was some phone squad that was supposed to start a chain untill every single person was called. I was on that squad one year, and I got a call from Rabbi Gottesman himself. He said "Ari, no school b/c of the snow. Your a good boy, and zero tolerance for drugs!!" I thought this was really weird, especially at 6:32 am, so I just went back to sleep.

In any event, snow days were absolutely amazing. The possibilities for kids on a snow day or just endless. You can play tackle football in the snow, build snow creatures, shovel snow for money, throw snowballs at people, go sledding, man--its really the best possible thing that can happen ever. Snow days: I salute you, you gave me some of the best days of my childhood, and I expect many more. And when u melt, I will miss you.

the restaurant enemy

Last night at 12:45 am, I ate a package of pastrami and drank grape juice. While this may be very disturbing, I must remind you that today is "purim katan" , so my festive meal last night was warranted. Furthermore, it would be appropriate for all of us to have some type of celebration today, unless you are from Shushan...then u should have the celebration tommorow. But since this is Purim Katan, the celebration should be less than the one that will occur in 1 month. So, instead of wearing a costume, just wear a funny hat. Or instead of drinking 2 bottles of wine, just drink 1. You get the idea. And b/c this is purim, this RANT will be extra wacky.

Lets continue to discuss the 5 towns, a very important topic. Now, I had the pleasure of meeting my friend Yoni Rosenblatt for brunch on sunday, who is 8 feet tall. Yoni was bothered by the fact that all meetings among friends, family, etc. has to be over a meal. I would like to express my agreement with Yoni on this puzzling issue. Think about any time you have met someone recently. There always has to be some type of meal involved. Did I just eat dinner in my house? Yes. Doesn't matter- i am forced to now go to another meal and force myself to order more food. Maybe guys love to meet for meals b/c there are no girls around, and we can finally eat with our hands and drink the soup straight from the bowl. And I would say the same would apply to a bunch of girls meeting together for food. No more salad, lets go straight for the buffalo wings ladies.!!!! Nevertheless, the insistence on meeting over a meal is still strange. Maybe, there is simply no other meeting places available, and there is simply no other choice.

Anyway, we were supposed to meet for "brunch", which I have never done b/c sunday morning is reserved for the heralded "post-minyan" nap. Everyone knows the famous passage from Chronicles of the Fades: "Happy is he who experiences the post-minyan nap, for he is both physically and spiritually satisfied." But this sunday was reserved for a brunch and by 10:45 we were ready to eat. So here is my question...if a restaruant serves omelettes and waffles, what time would u expect it to be open? 24 hours? not likely for a kosher establishment. 8 AM? maybe. 9? for sure. But here we were outside this place, and it was not yet open at 10:45. strange s.

Delay of the meal forces us to Judaica store. This place is awesome b/c you can listen to the latest jewish music on earphones. People reading this should check out this band "mizrach", which i heard on the earphones. Amazing. The lead singer is very handsome, as well.

And now, we are finally ready to eat our brunch. We get a table for 2, and I feel like I am on a date with another man, who is twice my height. A heavyset fellow is hovering around us and throws 2 menus at us angrily. He continues to hover , and finally drifts elsewhere. Yoni whispers to me "that guy is my enemy", but offers no further explanation. I am about to continue the discussion, but the enemy is back, hovering over us in a menacing fashion. Feeling pressure to order quickly, I order the soup in a bread bowl, and realize i have been tricked into washing. Enemy tries to grab the menus away from us, but we tell him we still haven't ordered our main meal. Enemy makes an odd motion with a clenched fist, and goes to harass some other costumers. Luckily, we had a great waiter, who was wearing his tzitis out w/ jeans (the cave dress code), so we wanted to give him a good tip. We left it in the little book they give u, and started to bench. Big mistake. Enemy quickly came back and swiped the book up in his talons. No tip for the waiter. Enemy wins again.

I'll never understand people like the enemy, who seem to be angry at people for coming to their restaurant and paying for a meal. There is an enemy at a pizza shop near me, who also gets angry when you order from him, and mocks you no matter what you order. I guess we just can never understand the enemy, thats part of what makes him so evil. But its purim katan today, so dont worry about the enemy right now. Dont worry about the angry people walking around and permeating every place we try to go and eat soup out of a bowl made of bread. Dont worry about the negativity. Remember Haman was probably gay. Chag Purim katan sameach.

Third time is a charm...or not.

I would like to begin by thanking everyone who reads this thing. When I wrote my first RANT, I never dreamt it would have spread so quickly throughout the jewish community. I am honored and moved by the fact that so many people are reading this, and that it is bringing smiles to your faces. It is absolutely crucial that we are going through our daily routine with a smile on our face, and I hope this helps every single reader get that. For those of you who no longer get to speak to me or see me as often, you should realize that this is my way of communicating with you. When you read this, you should imagine my voice saying the words, and see my face making strange expressions, and then you shouldn't miss me so much. I realize that sounds very weird, so maybe don't do that. Anyway, here we go...

3 saturday nights and 3 dates...with the same girl. Has to be some kind of record being set here. The attempted activity was a place called "jillians", which is basically an arcade/activity type place which attracts young co-eds,shidduch types, and various minority groups. I would like to point out that i fall into all 3 of those categories. Anyway, we get to the door of this place at 10:03, and I am looking forward to participating in a game of rock and bowl. I am hoping that they play that song "its getting hot in here...", so that I can take off my awkwardly small cardigan. But its not to be b/c of the rules of this "jillian's" establishment. Apparenty, after 10 PM, everyone who is under 21 has to be exiled from the place, and no one under 21 is allowed to enter. This made me think of the humourous scenarios that can develop. Lets say little timmy is in the middle of a game of air hockey. Is he removed right in the middle of his game? poor timmy. Futhermore, this rule can really tear apart families. Imagine a large family out for a night of bowling. When the clock strikes 10, half of the family has to leave and wait outside in the cold, while the rest of the family (over 21) gets to live it up on the inside. Anyway, the bottom line is that I couldnt get in b/c even though I am 21, the guy said i am still stuck in senior year of high school so I cannot enter.

So it was time for plan "B", which brought me to the coldstone creamery, where ice cream and singing come together. Supposedly, some of these coldstone places are kosher, but this issue remained unclear to me, even while i was shoving the ice cream down my gullet. By the way, do human beings have gullets? I know we have this amazing part called "the epiglottis", but I'm not sure about a gullet. Either way, I guess I kinda ignored the kashrus on this one. This has been a theme in my life for quite a while. I remember telling my father,Abba, a few years ago that "I like the danger flavors" at Carvel, b/c its fun to not know if I am eating kosher or not. So here i was again, at the coldstone creamery, telling the men to put as many risky things in my ice cream as possible. But the real "gadlus" of this place is that if u tip the ice cream men, they will sing u a song. I think this is an excellent idea, b/c now u get a little something for your tip. Both parties are winners, b/c it gives customers more incentive to tip, and the workers get to put on a nice performance. On the other hand, maybe the workers find this practice to be extremely demeaning and feel like they are our servants, forced to sing when we throw them a buck. I am curious what the consensus among coldstone creamery workers is on this topic.

For those of u keeping score at home, thats ice cream 3/3 dates. Part C of this date sent me to pizza b/c I was starving. I really am anti-central avenue when on a date, but my grueling starvation left me with little choice. The problem with Central Avenue is "worlds colliding", an idea originally developed on Seinfeld. You wanna be in your own private realm on a date, but then you see all these other people that know you from all other realms of your life. And when you have been in too many realms, this can be a problematic situation. In any event, this may explain my aversion to central avenue on a saturday night. I was once again plagued by a "worlds collide" situatuion, which had some embarrasing implications. I saw my parents' friends, as well as my friend's parents, in pizza. I immedietly decided I would get up and give them a warm greeting, but was entagled in a labyrnth of chairs, tables, and a heavyset balding man. I tripped on one of the chair legs and elbowed Mr. Clean in the back of the head. The following exchange occured:

Bald man: Heyyyyyy! watch it buster!
Me: I'm really sorry sir, won't happen again.(of course it wouldn't...what a dumb respoinse)
Bald man: you ruined my night and my life!!
Me: I would say ur life was ruined when the baldness set in sir.

The man proceeded to pummel me. In between punches I realized that this man may not have been Jewish, and wondered why a non-jew would eat at a crowded kosher pizza store. But thats for a whole different RANT. GN

pressing the panic button

Another saturday night, and another so called "date", which means another chance for me to write something about it. But really this is more a self-analysis and everyone is welcome to come along for the disturbing ride.

Lets see, b/c this was a date, I had to do some type of activity. My Mom would always yell at me if that activity was sitting in my den and watching my Hanc or Reishit video. Sure enough, i found myself showing some clips from my reishit video, but then quickly realized that I had to go do some type activity. I tried to sit in my apartment and avoid the inevitable activity, but I kept hearing mice scurrying through my walls and ceiling. Now, this is probably the most disturbing thing you will ever hear. I feel like I am a character in a horror movie whenever I hear them. The worst feeling in the world is being awaken by the sound of mice in your ceiling. Also, waking up to the realization that you have soiled yourself is pretty bad. So I guess this would be 2nd on the bad wake up list. In any event, all these factors aggregrated together really made me realize I needed to get the hell out of my apartment and do an activity. So we took a walk to Ben and Jerry's and got some ice cream. And this led to some serious trouble.

1)I got two flavors, one called "brownie batter" and one called "cookies and cream". I was ripping through my ice cream meal, when I suddenly realized that there was something weird in my mouth. I spit it out and I think it might have been a cherry. I'm still not sure what it was doing in there, as cherrys are not an essential ingredient of either of the flavors aformentioned. Anyway this completely ruined my ice cream experience and made me gag and almost vomit.

2) This morning I was examining my date outfit in the mirror and thinking how wonderfully dressed I was. But then , to my horror, I spotted a huge chocolate stain all over my shirt. Like there was more chocolate then standard-stripe pattern. And I simply went into a panic attack. Questions started flying at me at ludicrus speed. Did she see this stain? Was I just dripping ice cream all over myself when I was eating? If she saw it, why didn't she say anything? If she didnt see it, how did it happen? Why did i get "brownie batter" and not "chocolate fudge brownie"? What is the difference between those 2 anyway? And finally, why did we go out for ice cream if its 37 degrees outside?

This type of reaction is abnormal, and its called "pressing the panic button." This type of reaction may be normal for other scenaros, like a traumatic break-up, but not for a realization of a stain. Anyway, I had to call my date right away and find out what the story was. Thank G-d everything seems to be OK. We think, in an attempt to be a gentlemen and throw out the ice cream, I may have gotten it on my shirt. Still, its unclear how this went unnoticed. So does anyone know how to get chocolate out of a shirt?

eye contact

First of all, its Adar, so everyone should get happy. Do whatever u must to be in a constant state of glee and know that this is what G-d wants. Now, I must RANT.

First, the rumors are true. I went on a date on Saturday night, which means that I definetly have some more entertaining stories to add to my long list of disturbing and awkward date incidents. But somehow this date went very well, as I'm sure my date will agree. During my post-date analysis, I asked how I did with eye-contact. My date said I was fine, but I am still quite unsure. You see, eyecontact has been a major problem for me throughout my social history.

It all started in 8th grade when a female friend, who was probably genuinly looking out for me, informed me that my eyes seemed to focus on a place they should not be. I told the girl that I was simply short, and I was looking straight ahead, and in 8th grade girls are still taller than boys (or at least were still taller than me) So while other guys looked straight ahead at girls' faces, I ended up looking straight ahead at...well, not at girls' faces. And the problem has only grown throughout the years. Now I am at a normal height and able to look at a person's face, but I always find myself thinking of crazy things during these moments. If i am looking at a person, I will think of what would happen if i suddenly punched or kissed the person. Or i picture the person's skin being peeled off to reveal an alien or robot. And it totally ruins my concentration to the pt where I can't even hold a normal conversation, b/c I am imagining these ridiculus scenarios. Somehow, I am able to maintain eye contact at the worst times. Like I have no problem looking at girls through the machitzah, and I wont even look away when they see me. So I'm always looking at the wrong things and times, and I cant keep eye contact at the right times.

And this is part of a much greater physical contact/intimacy problem. Lets go back to the first (and only??do u buy that?) kiss , when the girl had to tell me that I was supposed to kiss her. SO i went for it, and ended up kissing her nose. Great. Similarly, there was (and still is?) a minhag in highschool that you were supposed to quickly exchange kisses on the cheek upon seeing a female at a social scene. And I hated this minhag, b/c I always screwed up this simple manuever. Either I would turn my head the wrong way and bump heads with the girl, or end up kissing her forehead or hair. Never ever did it right.

So for a guy like me, who may very well be "intimately challenged", shomer nagiah is a real blessing. Previously, this is how a conversation would go with a girl and me.

Girl: hey the fades, give me a hug u cute member of the loli-pop guild
Me: Ummm...nah
Girl: Why not!!
Me: Get away.

But now, with the availability of shomer nagiah...watch what happens for me.

Girl: The fades, give me a hug
Me: No
Girl: Why?
Me: B/c I am Shomer Nagiah
Girl: Wow, that is awesome. good for you!!!!

So no more awkward physical moments for me. The lesson? be happy about all the halachos b/c they can sometimes help us in some unexpected ways. Maybe this RANT doesnt apply to you, but I'm sure you can apply it in some way. GN and Chodesh Tov.

Super Bowl Thoughts.

Well Super Bowl XVIIIRQVVVVS has finally arrived. I am actually sitting and watching the game as I type this. The entire first half, I thought about actually writing this RANT, but was simply too lazy to walk from my couch to the computer, a distance of 8 feet.

So this year's superbowl is quite different from last year's. Lets compare and contrast, like we had to do in first grade, when we had that book called "critical thinking". First, in terms of comparing, we have the Patriots in both this year and last year's game. And thats it for similarities. In terms of contrasting, lets start with the halftime show. It seems that the people in charge wanted to find the individual least likely to do something even remotely inappropriate on national TV. So they chose Paul McCarthey, who put on a decent show, but it was depressing to see the jello-type wrinkles on his face. My venue for watching the game is also very different this year. Last year I was at a Superbowl Party in Washington Hizzeights, with dougies, beer, and a girl wearing a football jersey, which is essential to any good party. Right now, I am in my apartment in Philly, with 2 other males, and we are eating shabbos leftovers. (which are delicious, thank you Mom) Also, I am currently drinking a glass of tap-water which has a strange milk-like after taste. So the emerging theme is that last year's events were more controversial and "on the edge", while this year's are more dull and subdued.

Lets talk commercials. So far, I am loving these commercials which depict a man working in an office full of monkeys. These monkeys are a real great lot. In one commercial they pranked the man by putting a whoopee cushion on his seat. Made me realize that the whoppee cushion has become such an under-utilized prank lately. Its definetly time for the re-emergence of the whoopee cushion, and I plan on trying it in school tommorow. The other commercial I want to discuss is one in which the army people are shown returning through the arrival hall of an airport. All the people are clapping and cheering for them as they have finally returned home. (see the Movie "love actually" for more on the theme of airport arrival halls) This commercial was emotional s. It made me get a weird pain in my throat and made my skin prickle up. Also, I got tears in my eyes and I think the other guys saw. Its nice that this commercial was made, but I'm not sure if the Superbowl was the right time to air it. I think it probably caused lots of emotional confusion for folks, and might have lost its desired effect. Large beer-guzzling men all over America are probably not going to stop and cry when they see this commercial , and many were probably in the restroom. Instead, they should show this commercial right before "scenes from the next OC", when no logical human being would change the channel or even move.

Before I return to the game, I must make my prediction. I say the Patriots win but don't cover the spread. I base this on my former chavrusah and present friend- Uri Burger, who explained that the Patriots are all about "achdus". For this reason they can overcome any obstacle and have met great NFL success. So, these are the lessons from watching the superbowl. 1) we gotta have "achdus" like the patriots. (unless they lose, then this theory is problematic. 2) its awkward to cry from a commercial in front of other people. Later.

an introspective one. sorry.

"Saturday Night and you're still hangin' around, you're tired of livin' in your one horse town"
-Billy Joel , lyrics to "captain jack"

"It can be the absolute best or absolute worst part of your week. I refer to Saturday Night"
- Ari Feder , speech given at Saratoga Springs Youth Conference, September 1977

I have always been fascinated by my own behavior on Saturday Nights. When I was a youngster, I remember counting down the seconds untill shabbos was over , so I could rush straight to the Nintendo and continue my season of Bases Loaded. Bases Loaded, keep in mind, did not even have real players in it. But that didnt matter. Saturday night was reserved for nintendo, tv, movies, and snacks. And so it went through the so called "innocent years" of my life. I'll always remember watching strange shows on Saturday night, simply because there was really nothing else to do. For example, I would not miss an episode of "Empty Nest". DO I know what this show was about? No clue. Can I tell you who any of the actors are? Nope. All I know is that this show was aired on Sat night at 8 or 9 or something, so it was obviously geared towards children from the ages of 4-12, who could not yet get outta the house. But after years and years of being subjected to "Empty Nest", I started to get restless.

I think this probably happens to most people and may be the source of our unique insistence and complusive behavior on Saturday nights. We feel that it is an absolute neccessity to go out on sat night. It doesn't matter where, and it really doesn't even matter with who, as long as we avoid the dreadful fate of sitting at home all night. And we really dont even realize that this is happening to us as we grow up, but it clearly is. Its not our fault; this is the normal and expected reaction that any human being would have after viewing empty nest for so many years.

As Jews, the problem is magnified. We "lose" the "oppurtunity" to go out on the town on Fri night, so all the pressure is on Sat night. And as a kid grows up, and gets to high school, the sat night syndrome becomes more complex. B/c of the social structure of a typical modern orthodox high school, sat night is really what its all about. If one has a girlfriend or boyfriend, sat night is usually reserved for some type of quality time with that person. If not, a common option is to go to a high school game. These games are always the biggest scenes, but they often end early, leading to a delayed "what the hell do I do know" problem. There is also the "open house" option, which is not always available. (but if it is, u gotta go with that one) In senior year, I must confess, I tried out the "clubbing" option. This was taken to a ridiculus extreme, as I remember going to banana republic to purchase some "clubbing clothes." Then I realized you could get the same tight shirt at target for 50 dollars less. Either way, clubbing was never for me. Sometimes, some shady dudes would rent out clubs in the city and have a "jewish" party, where u would see all these people that u know by name, but they probably didnt know you. It was all very awkward, especially when I tried to dance. But again...it was better than the alternative, which was simply being alone at home.

So, when I got to Israel, i had already realized this problem , and hoped that it would go away. But it never did. I always felt compelled to run to Ben yehudah, and simply stay there for as long as possible. Learning in Yeshiva on a saturday night was simply not an option. That summer I went to Mesorah Kollel for a short stint (very very short), and saw people who learnt on Saturday nights. I couldn't believe it. I had to do something, so I went to gamble at an Indian reservation. Again, the point here is that me, and maybe many of you, cannot face the possibility of just sitting home on a saturday night.

Its havdalah time again, but things are very different. I am not counting down the seconds so I can run to the tv. I wish time would just slow down and stop moving. I finally understand the sad and somewhat awkward tune "shabbos is going away". On Shabbos it was perfectly fine to relax. There is no tv and no waiting for that IM. There is family, and friends, and smiles, and laughter. There is l'chaims and more l'chaims and singing, and good food. There is a kiddush club. There is davening and there is talking during davening. There is warmth and there is the ultimate happiness. Soon I will be searching for a new episode of "Empty Nest". Soon I will be reading away messages, and waiting for sportscenter. But I am satisfied, b/c this entire "saturday night problem" has made me appreciate the good stuff in life . And there are no words that can do it justice. Good Shabbos.