The Fades Rant

I'm the Fades, and I rant b/c i have some time to. I dont know..i'll talk about many things on this blog. Religion, girls, life. Thats about it. So really, I'll talk about 3 things.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Knock Knock Knockin' on the Bathroom Door

I would like to relay to you a strange bathroom incident that occured at my place of work. As a matter of background, we have 3 bathrooms on our floor: The Mens' room, the Ladies' room and the handicapped person's room. For some reason, instead of giving the handicapped person the right to one particular stall in the non-handicapped bathrooms, the designers of our office bathrooms elected to give the handicapped person his or her own individual private bathroom. Perhaps this is meant to accomodate the shy, reclusive and handicapped demographic. In general, I use the Mens' room. I have never used the Ladies' room. If I am at work late or on the weekends, I sometimes use the private handicapped room, but I won't do this when other people are around because I am afraid that I will get busted. Is using the handicapped bathroom an "ayin harah" or 'evil eye", akin to testing out somebody's wheelchair or crutches or pretending to be blind while playing a piano? Maybe. Is mentioning this point tempting the "evil eye" even more? Certainly.

After reading the previous paragraph, you may be thinking - "how often does this guy go to the bathroom"?!? The answer is many times. I go whenever I am bored or whenver I need to concentrate on some work-related or sports-related reading. I once went to take a nap. This was fine, except that I needed to lower my pants so that nobody would question why someone was sitting in a stall for 2 hours without his pants lowered. Would anyone actually investigate this to the point where they would question it? Unlikely, but one can never be too careful.

I know plenty of people that are afraid or uncomfortable using public restroom facilities. They will only use the friendly confines of their bathroom at home. I am the polar opposite of these persons; to me- the idea of going to the bathroom in public facilities is an adventure that makes life worth livin'. "Dangerous" places I have used the bathroom include: Crowded coach bus, Penn station (but used NJ transit facilities), Poland (during heritage), my wife's apartment before we started going out, Mexico (but it was at Club Med), and my office. Until recently, I did not think that there was any danger/risk in using the office bathrooms, but two recent occurences have changed my mind.

(1) The awkward encounter: We do not have separate bathrooms for partners and associates, so there is always the chance that one can encounter their boss in the restroom. Usually, this is a harmless meeting, which starts with "Hi" and ends with "how are you". However, things can sometimes get tricky, as they did recently for me. As mentioned earlier, I enjoy bringing work-related readings with me, so as to maximize my concentration and provide the best finished work product for clients. I had brought one of those "documents" with me and had placed it above the sink while I was washing both of my hands. In walks the parter and we exchange pleasantries. It should have ended there, but I decided to mention that this document was for him to review after I was done. Why did I do this? I will never know the answer, but I think it had something to do with wanting to fill the awkward conversation at the sink with something of substance. The partner was less than thrilled that I had decided to take the "documents" on a trip to the bathroom before they would end up on his desk. I wanted to make copies and let him know that I would not give him this bathroom-tainted version, but the damage was done and it was too late. I decided to give him the bathroom-tainted version, but I attached a note saying "this is not the copy that I took to the bathroom with me".

2) The surprise knock: During my morning trip to the office restroom, I was enjoying the silence, when a loud and urgent knock sounded against the main bathroom entrance. Had I accidentaly wondered to the private/handicapped restroom and not realized it? If not, why was someone knocking on a public restroom door. Should I yell "Come IN!"? I decided to remain calm and silent and awaited the surprise visitor. About 1 minute later, one of the cleaning guys came in to change the paper towels and what-not. I asked him if he was the unknown-knocker, but he did not habla english. Still puzzled by this incident 24 hours later, here is my analysis: Cleaning guy was indeed the unknown-knocker, and thought that he was entering the ladies' restroom. I know that at night, there is a cleaning lady, and she always knocks on the mens' room before entering (which makes sense). This cleaning guy was probably doing the same proper thing at what he thought was the ladies' room. Another bathroom mystery solved!

I hope that I have provided everyone with an incentive to give public restroom use a try. The adventures, mysteries and possibilities are endless. Tomorrow, I discuss the proper etiquitte for handling a bathroom walk-in.


  • At 9:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The best public restroom adventure has been recorded,and one hopes,preserved for all eternity.
    Our friend,Chief,rules!
    ("Harbey...###!!!expletive...Atah meit..etc...")


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