Third time is a charm...or not.

I would like to begin by thanking everyone who reads this thing. When I wrote my first RANT, I never dreamt it would have spread so quickly throughout the jewish community. I am honored and moved by the fact that so many people are reading this, and that it is bringing smiles to your faces. It is absolutely crucial that we are going through our daily routine with a smile on our face, and I hope this helps every single reader get that. For those of you who no longer get to speak to me or see me as often, you should realize that this is my way of communicating with you. When you read this, you should imagine my voice saying the words, and see my face making strange expressions, and then you shouldn't miss me so much. I realize that sounds very weird, so maybe don't do that. Anyway, here we go...

3 saturday nights and 3 dates...with the same girl. Has to be some kind of record being set here. The attempted activity was a place called "jillians", which is basically an arcade/activity type place which attracts young co-eds,shidduch types, and various minority groups. I would like to point out that i fall into all 3 of those categories. Anyway, we get to the door of this place at 10:03, and I am looking forward to participating in a game of rock and bowl. I am hoping that they play that song "its getting hot in here...", so that I can take off my awkwardly small cardigan. But its not to be b/c of the rules of this "jillian's" establishment. Apparenty, after 10 PM, everyone who is under 21 has to be exiled from the place, and no one under 21 is allowed to enter. This made me think of the humourous scenarios that can develop. Lets say little timmy is in the middle of a game of air hockey. Is he removed right in the middle of his game? poor timmy. Futhermore, this rule can really tear apart families. Imagine a large family out for a night of bowling. When the clock strikes 10, half of the family has to leave and wait outside in the cold, while the rest of the family (over 21) gets to live it up on the inside. Anyway, the bottom line is that I couldnt get in b/c even though I am 21, the guy said i am still stuck in senior year of high school so I cannot enter.

So it was time for plan "B", which brought me to the coldstone creamery, where ice cream and singing come together. Supposedly, some of these coldstone places are kosher, but this issue remained unclear to me, even while i was shoving the ice cream down my gullet. By the way, do human beings have gullets? I know we have this amazing part called "the epiglottis", but I'm not sure about a gullet. Either way, I guess I kinda ignored the kashrus on this one. This has been a theme in my life for quite a while. I remember telling my father,Abba, a few years ago that "I like the danger flavors" at Carvel, b/c its fun to not know if I am eating kosher or not. So here i was again, at the coldstone creamery, telling the men to put as many risky things in my ice cream as possible. But the real "gadlus" of this place is that if u tip the ice cream men, they will sing u a song. I think this is an excellent idea, b/c now u get a little something for your tip. Both parties are winners, b/c it gives customers more incentive to tip, and the workers get to put on a nice performance. On the other hand, maybe the workers find this practice to be extremely demeaning and feel like they are our servants, forced to sing when we throw them a buck. I am curious what the consensus among coldstone creamery workers is on this topic.

For those of u keeping score at home, thats ice cream 3/3 dates. Part C of this date sent me to pizza b/c I was starving. I really am anti-central avenue when on a date, but my grueling starvation left me with little choice. The problem with Central Avenue is "worlds colliding", an idea originally developed on Seinfeld. You wanna be in your own private realm on a date, but then you see all these other people that know you from all other realms of your life. And when you have been in too many realms, this can be a problematic situation. In any event, this may explain my aversion to central avenue on a saturday night. I was once again plagued by a "worlds collide" situatuion, which had some embarrasing implications. I saw my parents' friends, as well as my friend's parents, in pizza. I immedietly decided I would get up and give them a warm greeting, but was entagled in a labyrnth of chairs, tables, and a heavyset balding man. I tripped on one of the chair legs and elbowed Mr. Clean in the back of the head. The following exchange occured:

Bald man: Heyyyyyy! watch it buster!
Me: I'm really sorry sir, won't happen again.(of course it wouldn't...what a dumb respoinse)
Bald man: you ruined my night and my life!!
Me: I would say ur life was ruined when the baldness set in sir.

The man proceeded to pummel me. In between punches I realized that this man may not have been Jewish, and wondered why a non-jew would eat at a crowded kosher pizza store. But thats for a whole different RANT. GN