Gift-ranting
Today I was talking to a female friend of mine and she asked me what she should get her significant other for their one month anniversary. I had no suggestions, but it did inspire me to go on this RANT.
So if 2 people are "shidduch" dating, do they keep track of the month anniversaries. I would think that they keep track based on dates, and the really "frum" people will be engaged before a month passes, so I guess this isn't a concern. But these people probably aren't reading my RANT, so lets focus more on the typical modern orthodox dating scene, which I proclaim to be a significant part of. I think there should be a service or website that keeps track of when the relationships officially begin so that guys remember when they hit their anniversaries. From what I understand, girls like to write everything down, so they always remember. Also, b/c I am disturbed, I keep a timeline on my wall, with all the different girls I have dated, and break it down into "eras"; this is great b/c its like I am comparing myself to an ancient empire. So maybe I should be in charge of this service that keeps track of when people "officially" start "going out".
The careful reader has probably already noticed the inherent problem in this calculation. What is considered the official beginning of a relationship? This has been a significant issue for me in the past, b/c I never know how to determine when I am actually dating the girl. Its weird to hang out a bunch of times and then say "Will you be my girlfriend?" I think that the true answer is that "acharei rabim l'hatos", we go after what public opinion thinks. If everyone says u r going out with someone, then u r. If you don't like it, get the hell outta there fast. I am definetly not fit to give relationship advice, but I still would advice against actually asking a girl what ur status is with her. Let public opinion answer this question for you, or let her bring it up and answer it. Ok, that was weird, I just felt like I was writing for "dear abby".
These anniversaries create yet another need for giving gifts that will probably be ineffective and useless. There is already the problem of birthdays, and the gifts that go along with them. Let me make this absolutely clear: Do not date a girl, if her birthday will be w/in a month after u start dating. You will be forced to buy her a gift, which will either be not good enough, making her think you are cheap , or too good, making her think you wanna marry her and freak her out. Also, its best if your birthday comes before hers, b/c then she sets the "gift giving precedent", and all you gotta do is follow her lead. This will now be called the "birthday rule."
Let me now talk about some gift problems I have run into. First time I met a girl, I decided to tell her I read philosophy and threw out some names I had heard of. Its unclear why I did this, but it came back to bite me on the rump, when she went and got me a philosophy book from Barnes and Noble. Luckily, I got a gift receipt and I was able to get espn magazine instead. I was gonna say that the moral of this story is don't lie, but I ended up getting a good magazine, so I guess there really is no moral. The best gift I ever got was Madden for PS2; this is really the gift that keeps on giving. But I haven't heard of too many cases like that, so lets continue with the premise that a good gift is very uncommon. I think its a good idea to steer clear of getting clothes for girls. I tried to do this a few times, with a winter hat, and sweatshirt, but I gotta believe that this was a terrible idea. Firstly, how do I know what is considered cool or fashionable for a girl to wear? And secondly, its really awkward to stand around in the woman's section of the store and try to discreetly look through the clothing to find something. I'm always afraid some old lady will run up to me and hit me with her pocketbook, and call me a pervert, even though I'm only looking at sweatshirts. (side point- remember there were ladies that hit u with their pocketbooks in double dragon 2??? )
In closing, I must conclude that the gift-giving issue is indeed a major problem. I would try to limit gifts to 6th month and 1 year anniversary, but I have never lasted that long. Awwwww.
Perhaps, it really is "the thought that counts." So go to a card store, pick out a nice card, pour out ur heart to the girl, and u'll be good to go. Or she'll think ur awkwardly feminine and get weirded out. GN
So if 2 people are "shidduch" dating, do they keep track of the month anniversaries. I would think that they keep track based on dates, and the really "frum" people will be engaged before a month passes, so I guess this isn't a concern. But these people probably aren't reading my RANT, so lets focus more on the typical modern orthodox dating scene, which I proclaim to be a significant part of. I think there should be a service or website that keeps track of when the relationships officially begin so that guys remember when they hit their anniversaries. From what I understand, girls like to write everything down, so they always remember. Also, b/c I am disturbed, I keep a timeline on my wall, with all the different girls I have dated, and break it down into "eras"; this is great b/c its like I am comparing myself to an ancient empire. So maybe I should be in charge of this service that keeps track of when people "officially" start "going out".
The careful reader has probably already noticed the inherent problem in this calculation. What is considered the official beginning of a relationship? This has been a significant issue for me in the past, b/c I never know how to determine when I am actually dating the girl. Its weird to hang out a bunch of times and then say "Will you be my girlfriend?" I think that the true answer is that "acharei rabim l'hatos", we go after what public opinion thinks. If everyone says u r going out with someone, then u r. If you don't like it, get the hell outta there fast. I am definetly not fit to give relationship advice, but I still would advice against actually asking a girl what ur status is with her. Let public opinion answer this question for you, or let her bring it up and answer it. Ok, that was weird, I just felt like I was writing for "dear abby".
These anniversaries create yet another need for giving gifts that will probably be ineffective and useless. There is already the problem of birthdays, and the gifts that go along with them. Let me make this absolutely clear: Do not date a girl, if her birthday will be w/in a month after u start dating. You will be forced to buy her a gift, which will either be not good enough, making her think you are cheap , or too good, making her think you wanna marry her and freak her out. Also, its best if your birthday comes before hers, b/c then she sets the "gift giving precedent", and all you gotta do is follow her lead. This will now be called the "birthday rule."
Let me now talk about some gift problems I have run into. First time I met a girl, I decided to tell her I read philosophy and threw out some names I had heard of. Its unclear why I did this, but it came back to bite me on the rump, when she went and got me a philosophy book from Barnes and Noble. Luckily, I got a gift receipt and I was able to get espn magazine instead. I was gonna say that the moral of this story is don't lie, but I ended up getting a good magazine, so I guess there really is no moral. The best gift I ever got was Madden for PS2; this is really the gift that keeps on giving. But I haven't heard of too many cases like that, so lets continue with the premise that a good gift is very uncommon. I think its a good idea to steer clear of getting clothes for girls. I tried to do this a few times, with a winter hat, and sweatshirt, but I gotta believe that this was a terrible idea. Firstly, how do I know what is considered cool or fashionable for a girl to wear? And secondly, its really awkward to stand around in the woman's section of the store and try to discreetly look through the clothing to find something. I'm always afraid some old lady will run up to me and hit me with her pocketbook, and call me a pervert, even though I'm only looking at sweatshirts. (side point- remember there were ladies that hit u with their pocketbooks in double dragon 2??? )
In closing, I must conclude that the gift-giving issue is indeed a major problem. I would try to limit gifts to 6th month and 1 year anniversary, but I have never lasted that long. Awwwww.
Perhaps, it really is "the thought that counts." So go to a card store, pick out a nice card, pour out ur heart to the girl, and u'll be good to go. Or she'll think ur awkwardly feminine and get weirded out. GN
posted by The Fades @ 3:02 PM
15 Comments:
At 3:51 PM,
Anonymous said…
I am excellent aren't i?
At 5:25 PM,
The Fades said…
Oh Anonymous!! Of course u are excellent. You post more comments than any other reader. Keep it up anonymous
At 5:26 PM,
Anonymous said…
overthinking it, rather if it was me on this date I would downplay the one month anniversary. if she brings it up, i would get out of there quick, bc then she would be celebrating all the other meaningless milestones like "birthdays", "one year anniverseries", ans while im at it if they mention it, ill tell them that the shoes they are wearing make them look fat. that would let them know how much i care about the 1 month anniversary.
Later,
-B.
At 6:54 AM,
Anonymous said…
fades, i actually have a question. if one in involved in the "shidduch" dating scene (such as myself), then at what point does the month even start? is it from the first phone call, the first actual date, or at the point where you decide that i might actually like this girl (possibly much later). aside from my one "incident", i have never reached a month either, but it can't hurt to plan ahead. what do you think?
drek
also, i hear that i snowed up on your continent. did you get a snow day in the end?
At 8:07 AM,
The Fades said…
Drek,
These are the kind of questions which have no certain answers. You might have to discuss it with the girl, and decide to pick a day to start counting from. But that might be an awkward conversation, so I'm not really sure. We never got a snow day, its very frustrating. Be good bud.
At 8:19 AM,
Anonymous said…
Your Birthday Rule intrigues me. However, if her b'day is first and unavoidable, perhaps a meal is better. Of course, those can get pretty expensive, since most girls like you to pay for them, especially on things like birthdays and stuff. So maybe a gift is the best route - but I'd make it a cheap gift, a box of tic tacs or something. That would set precedent for future gifts and milestones with a really low expectation, letting you edge up to the classy discount section of Modell's for the big 1yr makr.
- Gelf
At 8:21 AM,
The Fades said…
you gotta go to Mo's, but for the 1yr anniversary?
At 8:24 AM,
Anonymous said…
Fades, all these little anniversaries are pointless. Down the road if you get married, do you still have to acknowledge the first time you had a gay emotional conversation over ice cream? They seem like excuses to show some forced emotion during the slightly awkward beginning time. By the way, I'm writing in the middle of my third snow day of this semester. But I have no video games or pancakes to make it cozy, all I got was shoveling heavy snow at 6:30 this morning.
Billy
At 9:38 AM,
Anonymous said…
Yo fades - I agree with your birthday rule and then I would like to comment on your PS2 Madden game. When I was beginning to date a girl, who later became my girlfriend, who later became my fiancee, and most lately became my wife - her birthday was 3 weeks after the first date. What the hell was I going to give her? I think I gave her a $5 stuffed animal and some flowers. To this day, she says it was a cheap and crappy gift - what the hell was I supposed to do, buy her a bracelet and scare her away? You know what I mean right?
And for my birthday, 4 weeks before we were engaged - my brother went shopping with her to buy me a video game for my birthday. She bought my NBA Live 2004. When I was playing it 1 week later, Yoni Weisel came in the room and said - "oh who got you that game?" - I said Rachel (girlfriend at time, fiancee 3 weeks later). Yoni then responded, "Holy crap what a great gift - she IS A KEEPER for that one!". it was the best gift ever. Since I'm in law school and don't want to read any cases - I felt it was bettter to relay these pertinent stories that relate to your oh so genius blog. PS: When are you coming to silver spring to visit me with Mean Joe Greene
PPS: Do I get a prize for the longest posted comment ever
At 12:45 PM,
Anonymous said…
i feel compelled to make a follow-up post...
1. fades, i must tell that you "era" charting had me laughing a good 4 or 5 seconds, which when you think about it really is a long time. you're not the first person i know to do this, and it's always good for a few laughs sometime down the line.
2. in between reading boring medical cases, i have analyzed some of the other posts here. my feeling is this: men are less complicated than women. it seems to me that most men (boys?) would be satisfied with a ps2 or atari or whatever game is presently popular. birthday, anniversary, whatever. 6 months - 2 games; one year - 4 games... why not? if i had one of those game consoles, i too would be happy. women think, analyze and ponder everything. my suggestion is therefore to INCORPORATE any anniversary gift into the context of a date. for example, 2 tickets to a broadway show AND a card - that has the potential to be EITHER a sentimental object for many years, or the liner for the birdcage. this way, you are neither cheap nor frighteningly forward. and everyone is happy.
keep up the good work fademan!
drek
At 5:38 PM,
Anonymous said…
How does one determine a prospective date's birthday? Is this a feature of the Fades database?
BigFadesFan
At 5:51 PM,
The Fades said…
contact me privately and I will get it for you w/in 24 hours. Furthermore, I can also get you a picture of your prospective date, if you dont know what he/she looks like. This is pro-bono.
At 10:06 PM,
Anonymous said…
Speak to Justin, maybe he can get the law school to replace Project Palestine with that.
zubz
At 6:52 AM,
Anonymous said…
Flava Flave,
Two things:
1. If ever in doubt as to what to get a girl for any sort of milestone, flowers are always the answer to the problem, unless of course the girl is allergic. I will give an example to prove my point. One time I went to the fades for shabbat and brought flowers for his wonderful mother. She was so excited to receive the flowers that she insisted that I stay for the rest of the week. Fades father on the other hand, gave a shrug as if he knew that he wasn't going to receive anything and was being under appreciated as usual. Maybe a blog should be designated for the topic of why woman receive presents for occassions such as a shabbat meal, and not men. Does the husband no work hard all day in order to contribute some, if not all of the money necessary to prepare the meal? Sometimes he may even go to the supermarket to pick up the drinks, condiments, and even many vital ingredients for the meal. Anyway, Elliot, you should know that its not that I don't appreciate when you open your home to me, its just that I feel that the knowledge of fantasy baseball that I bring to the shabbat table is gift enough.
2. Fades, word has come my way that I was quoted in one of your blogs, I would love to know which one because I must have missed it?
At 9:15 AM,
The Fades said…
koegs, check the comments under the much-heralded blog entitled "the restauarant enemy"...and you will see yourself quoted.
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