an introspective one. sorry.

"Saturday Night and you're still hangin' around, you're tired of livin' in your one horse town"
-Billy Joel , lyrics to "captain jack"

"It can be the absolute best or absolute worst part of your week. I refer to Saturday Night"
- Ari Feder , speech given at Saratoga Springs Youth Conference, September 1977

I have always been fascinated by my own behavior on Saturday Nights. When I was a youngster, I remember counting down the seconds untill shabbos was over , so I could rush straight to the Nintendo and continue my season of Bases Loaded. Bases Loaded, keep in mind, did not even have real players in it. But that didnt matter. Saturday night was reserved for nintendo, tv, movies, and snacks. And so it went through the so called "innocent years" of my life. I'll always remember watching strange shows on Saturday night, simply because there was really nothing else to do. For example, I would not miss an episode of "Empty Nest". DO I know what this show was about? No clue. Can I tell you who any of the actors are? Nope. All I know is that this show was aired on Sat night at 8 or 9 or something, so it was obviously geared towards children from the ages of 4-12, who could not yet get outta the house. But after years and years of being subjected to "Empty Nest", I started to get restless.

I think this probably happens to most people and may be the source of our unique insistence and complusive behavior on Saturday nights. We feel that it is an absolute neccessity to go out on sat night. It doesn't matter where, and it really doesn't even matter with who, as long as we avoid the dreadful fate of sitting at home all night. And we really dont even realize that this is happening to us as we grow up, but it clearly is. Its not our fault; this is the normal and expected reaction that any human being would have after viewing empty nest for so many years.

As Jews, the problem is magnified. We "lose" the "oppurtunity" to go out on the town on Fri night, so all the pressure is on Sat night. And as a kid grows up, and gets to high school, the sat night syndrome becomes more complex. B/c of the social structure of a typical modern orthodox high school, sat night is really what its all about. If one has a girlfriend or boyfriend, sat night is usually reserved for some type of quality time with that person. If not, a common option is to go to a high school game. These games are always the biggest scenes, but they often end early, leading to a delayed "what the hell do I do know" problem. There is also the "open house" option, which is not always available. (but if it is, u gotta go with that one) In senior year, I must confess, I tried out the "clubbing" option. This was taken to a ridiculus extreme, as I remember going to banana republic to purchase some "clubbing clothes." Then I realized you could get the same tight shirt at target for 50 dollars less. Either way, clubbing was never for me. Sometimes, some shady dudes would rent out clubs in the city and have a "jewish" party, where u would see all these people that u know by name, but they probably didnt know you. It was all very awkward, especially when I tried to dance. But again...it was better than the alternative, which was simply being alone at home.

So, when I got to Israel, i had already realized this problem , and hoped that it would go away. But it never did. I always felt compelled to run to Ben yehudah, and simply stay there for as long as possible. Learning in Yeshiva on a saturday night was simply not an option. That summer I went to Mesorah Kollel for a short stint (very very short), and saw people who learnt on Saturday nights. I couldn't believe it. I had to do something, so I went to gamble at an Indian reservation. Again, the point here is that me, and maybe many of you, cannot face the possibility of just sitting home on a saturday night.

Its havdalah time again, but things are very different. I am not counting down the seconds so I can run to the tv. I wish time would just slow down and stop moving. I finally understand the sad and somewhat awkward tune "shabbos is going away". On Shabbos it was perfectly fine to relax. There is no tv and no waiting for that IM. There is family, and friends, and smiles, and laughter. There is l'chaims and more l'chaims and singing, and good food. There is a kiddush club. There is davening and there is talking during davening. There is warmth and there is the ultimate happiness. Soon I will be searching for a new episode of "Empty Nest". Soon I will be reading away messages, and waiting for sportscenter. But I am satisfied, b/c this entire "saturday night problem" has made me appreciate the good stuff in life . And there are no words that can do it justice. Good Shabbos.