Free Menorah give away!

I had 2 finals in the past 2 days (thursday december something and friday december somethign), so I have had little or no time to prepare for the chanukah festival, or Hanukah festival, as I like to call it when I am talking to gentiles, which is never. I don't know why I felt the need to announce to everyone just now that I just had 2 finals in the past 2 days. Are people supposed to feel bad for me b/c of this terrible burden? I'm sorry I mentioned the finals.

In any event, I was not prepared for the holiday, which meant I had no menorah, no candles to light said menorah, and no latkes to eat. Are latkes really an essential part of the holiday, on par with the menorah, you may be asking yourself? Well my grandfather told me today on the phone that he read an article comparing the different holidays that come around this time of year, and that the article described chanukah as the "time jews eat latkes". This shouldn't be confused with the time jews eat kugel, gefilte fish, or even farfel. Is farfel a jewish word or generic secular term? I always wanted to know that. What about kasha varnishkas? If i walk into foodtown (is foodtown still in existence), and I proclaim that I am in search of kasha varnishkas will they know what I am referring to? But back to this newsday article- it compared the different holidays- and there are 3 you should know. Besides chris'smas and hanukah, there is also kwanza, which to my understanding is hanukah for african americans. here is my question, fellow americans who are also african...are white people allowed to celebrate kwanza?? If so, what is the process by which I can accept kwanza upon myself. Furthermore, are there in fact any white people that do celebrate kwanza. If so, where can i find such a person? Of course, if i did try to celebrate kwanza, i would have a potential problem with my own judaic practices, b/c this might be considered idol worship. I will therefore, look up kwanza on wikipedia, decide if i can take it upon myself without being an idol worship, and then attempt to become the first white male kwanza observer.

The good news is (not sure where the bad news was) that the Hillel house in Upenn had free menorahs and candles to give away for lighting purposes. When I heard this announcment, i quickly took all 150 sets, and sold them 2 days later for a nice profit. I'm the grinch that stole chanukah, but not really...b/c i'm not green. Joe greene, on the other hand, could potentially be the grinch that stole chanukah, but only if he in fact does something corrupt like taking all the free candles and selling them at a premium. But is this even corrupt...isnt this pure economics, the invisible hand at work, whatever the hell...The answer is that I dont care about economic theory and either should you.

The weird thing about this hillel free menorah give away thing (besides from the last paragraph) is that the candles they give away only burn for 20 minutes. I know that is halachically problematic- either on fri night or on all nights, but I'm not sure which. They sent out a guideline packet but I am too lazy to read through it. So basically what the hillel is saying is as follows: We will let you almost perform the lighting mitzvah for free! But if you want to actually fulfill it in a valid manner you will have to pay an additional 2 dollars for longer lasting candles.
This would never stand in the Shammai house, Abba.

Anyway this all reminds me of that story where the Vilna Gaon was on his deathbed, and remarked how great this world is b/c you can pay just a few cents, or kopecks rather, to purchase a mitzvah, and share of "olam Habah". Well, in this case it is 2 dollars b/c of inflation, but you get the idea.

I'm not sure why so many stories involving great pious men involve a deathbed.

Davening foes.

This semester I had class every morning at the very early hour of 10:30 Am. If I want to go these classes, and not steal money from my parents, then I have to wake up about 9:30 Am or so, to leave ample time for showering, reading of sports on the internet, dressing, stealing deodarant from roomate, putting on teffilin, and walking to the law school building. However, there are times when I decide to attend a minyan for morning prayer services which is conveniently held at the Hillel- on the way to my walk to law school. This minyan occurs at the even more ridiculusly early hour of 8:40 AM, which means I will set my alarm clock for 8:15- to ensure that I will get to minyan exactly 10 minutes late. Obviously, I am always happier after attending the prayer services, b/c I really do believe it helps my day get started on the right "foot". BUt there are certain negatives I have encountered with this morning minyan experience, and those negatives are actually certain individuals.

First, we have the guy(s) that brings his tefillin in a canteen, like that my Mom packed me for camp in 6th grade. There are a bunch of these guys that have decided to forgo the traditional tefillin bag, and now put their tefillin in these canteens. Can anyone please explain to me how this practice has come about? Do these people also carry reserve water supplies in a tefillin bag. Maybe they are expecting to be led on some type of rugged hike during davening, and so now they are at least prepared to pack up their tefillin and go! I think the real reason for these canteens is that presumably soldiers in Israel pack their tefillin up like this, although I have no proof for this assertion. I will have to ask one of 3 people I know who actually were Israeli soldiers. Until then, I will assume this is how the practice started. The problem is, of course, that minyan in the Hillel at Penn is not a battlefield in which we are fighting arabs. Therefore, there is no need to bring the tefillin in this canteen type device. Please stop.

Second, we have the guy that comes to minyan daily and davens every word, and seems to be a real solid consistent Jew, yet inexplicably brings a newspaper with him, and reads it whenever he has a free moment. He seems to daven faster than everyone else, only to have time to read the top stories from today's news. Is it important to stay up to date with the current events? Probably, although I am not good at that. But does this have to be done during davening? Probably not. I'm not trying to rebuke this fellow, i just find the process to be odd. Also the folding of the paper is noisy. And it isn't really even a legitimate paper this guy is reading, its usually just the daily pennsylvanian, which is the school local paper. One other note about papers- why is the NY Times designed the way it is? It is very very impossible to read it while sitting on a toilet.

Third, we have a guy that sits right next to you, and moves his chair really close for some reason, and then proceeds to blow his nose and examine it for the rest of the services. He uses every tissue that exists in the room, and crumples them up in little balls on the table. Some of these tissues touch the edge of your siddur and make u want to vomit. Sometimes he will sneeze and cough to give himself a break from the noseblowing. Usually, the sneeze or cough will result in some spit being fired onto your face. This will ruin the morning prayer experience.

So there you have it folks. Is it good to start your day by praying ? Sure is. But just make sure to avoid some of these known foes along the way...or else your prayer time won't be too enjoyable.