vacation report...live from FLORIDA
Its been awhile folks, but I have been on my vacation down south...and what a vacation it has been so far. Allow me to RANT to you about it.
The vacation started off a little slow, as my flight was delayed 9 hours. Luckily, my associate, Mr. Zanax, had access to the various clubs in the airport, where all the high-rollers hang out and conduct their business activities. So I pretended I was a business person and hung out with them for about 5 hours, but the delay was still unbearable. In any event, I arrived in Orlando sometime after 1 am, and the cab driver told us it would cost 50 bucks to get to the hotel. This clearly wasnt happening, so we spontaneously decided to rent a car. This was the second most spontaneous car moment of my life, ranked behind my decision to purchase a ford taurus on E-bay. Actually, this was the third most spontaneous car moment, also ranking behind the time my car spontaneously burst into flames on the Southern State Parkway. (shoutout to readers knolly and koegs). Back to the rental car; we got a compact which is for midgets, and had no idea how to get to the hotel. Luckily, a toll booth man knew the map of Orlando by heart (i used to think that expression was "by hard"...its such a strange expression) and we got to the hotel safe and sound at about 3:30 in the A.M.
DAY 1 was a rainy trip to Univeral Studios. We overslept and went to the late minyan in the east area of my room. This will be a continuing theme of the vacation. So a few tidbits about Universal for you. I was last there in 8th grade, and its amazing how much they have built since then. I remember my favorite ride being "back to the Future", but this time it seemed like one of the worst there. It just felt like i was watching a tv screen and being shaken around in a box. If you ever head out there, the top 5 rides are now...1)Mummy 2)Shrek 3)Incredible Hulk 4) Dueling Dragons 5) Spider Man. Its also amazing that every person in Orlando probably works in one of these theme parks. Imagine a social gathering of Orlandonians...or Orlando-ites...or something. It would go something like this:
Hey Frank, what do you do for a living? OH, I operate splash mountain, how bout urself, Rob? Well, I'm just a hand-stamper right now, but I'm hoping to one day operate the Jurassic Park ride.
Another strange thing about these parks is that they now sell an "express ticket" which allows you to cut the line, but now its completely legal. Luckily, it was pouring rain, and no one was at the park, so I didnt need to purchase this express pass. Additionally, the park encourages "single riders", ans allows them to cut the entire line as well. So basically, as long as you don't mind sitting next to a stranger on the ride, you can cut the whole line. Its unclear to me why anyone would not do this, unless they have a small kid who is afraid of the ride. I did it for the rides with long lines, and I sat next to some strange people, but who cares. A ride is 3 minutes, and your upside down and spinning in the dark for the majority of it. If you think about it carefully, wouldn't u rather be spun around in the dark next to a stranger, then next to a pal or family member??
Anyway, thats how Day 1 went. I'll discuss some other vacation highlights a little later. Enjoy your Second Adar.
The vacation started off a little slow, as my flight was delayed 9 hours. Luckily, my associate, Mr. Zanax, had access to the various clubs in the airport, where all the high-rollers hang out and conduct their business activities. So I pretended I was a business person and hung out with them for about 5 hours, but the delay was still unbearable. In any event, I arrived in Orlando sometime after 1 am, and the cab driver told us it would cost 50 bucks to get to the hotel. This clearly wasnt happening, so we spontaneously decided to rent a car. This was the second most spontaneous car moment of my life, ranked behind my decision to purchase a ford taurus on E-bay. Actually, this was the third most spontaneous car moment, also ranking behind the time my car spontaneously burst into flames on the Southern State Parkway. (shoutout to readers knolly and koegs). Back to the rental car; we got a compact which is for midgets, and had no idea how to get to the hotel. Luckily, a toll booth man knew the map of Orlando by heart (i used to think that expression was "by hard"...its such a strange expression) and we got to the hotel safe and sound at about 3:30 in the A.M.
DAY 1 was a rainy trip to Univeral Studios. We overslept and went to the late minyan in the east area of my room. This will be a continuing theme of the vacation. So a few tidbits about Universal for you. I was last there in 8th grade, and its amazing how much they have built since then. I remember my favorite ride being "back to the Future", but this time it seemed like one of the worst there. It just felt like i was watching a tv screen and being shaken around in a box. If you ever head out there, the top 5 rides are now...1)Mummy 2)Shrek 3)Incredible Hulk 4) Dueling Dragons 5) Spider Man. Its also amazing that every person in Orlando probably works in one of these theme parks. Imagine a social gathering of Orlandonians...or Orlando-ites...or something. It would go something like this:
Hey Frank, what do you do for a living? OH, I operate splash mountain, how bout urself, Rob? Well, I'm just a hand-stamper right now, but I'm hoping to one day operate the Jurassic Park ride.
Another strange thing about these parks is that they now sell an "express ticket" which allows you to cut the line, but now its completely legal. Luckily, it was pouring rain, and no one was at the park, so I didnt need to purchase this express pass. Additionally, the park encourages "single riders", ans allows them to cut the entire line as well. So basically, as long as you don't mind sitting next to a stranger on the ride, you can cut the whole line. Its unclear to me why anyone would not do this, unless they have a small kid who is afraid of the ride. I did it for the rides with long lines, and I sat next to some strange people, but who cares. A ride is 3 minutes, and your upside down and spinning in the dark for the majority of it. If you think about it carefully, wouldn't u rather be spun around in the dark next to a stranger, then next to a pal or family member??
Anyway, thats how Day 1 went. I'll discuss some other vacation highlights a little later. Enjoy your Second Adar.
posted by The Fades @ 5:56 PM
1 Comments:
At 4:19 PM,
Anonymous said…
effer, skip this s and get to the good part.
Billy
Post a Comment
<< Home