In honor of black history month..

Its almost Feb-o0o-erry, which means that all of you should be examining your ancient black heritage and getting ready to celebrate black history month. Highlights of this month include a celebration of Washington's birthday, who himself had many black slaves. But then again, it also includes Lincoln's birthday, who went and freed all the slaves. Interesting that both of these famous presidents have birthdays in such close proximity. Anyway, in celebration of my favorite month, I have complied a fun list.

At minyan this morning, there was a black man among us. In fact, I have seen at least 4 different african americans at shul during my time in philadelphia. What does all this mean? It means that I have made a brand new creative list of "FAMOUS BLACKS WHO WOULD MAKE GREAT JEWS" Yes, i thought of this amazing idea during my recitation of the Amidah this morning, so I guess it was divinely inspired. Please ( I really encourage this) feel free to add to this list in your comments. I am looking forward to hearing what my clever and entertaining readers have to say.
1) Ray Charles. Fits the perfect mold of the old respected man who has lived in your community for 50 million years. Can't you see him being escorted in to your shul and sitting in the front row. You politely go over and say good shabbos to him and he gives you a little candy. He is well respected in the community and everyone stands when he gets an aliyah. I can see it happening if he was still alive.
2) Oprah. Its close to Orpah from the book of Ruth, which many of you may know from taking the torturous bible classes in YU. Its true, Orpah never did convert the whole way like Ruth (its so weird to write "Ruth", but how else can i write it... Rut? Root? Russ? unclear) , but she was married to one of those machlon/kilyon guys, and she's in a book of tanach. If Oprah would convert, i can easily see her causing trouble at her shul by starting an all women's minyan or asking to kiss the Torah, or give announcements. It would be annoying.
3) Micheal Jackson. He can easily continue the tradition of being a Rabbi who gets charged with some type of sexual molestation. A nice fit for him. And then there is the whole question if he should still qualify as "black" and make it onto this prestigious list.
4) Aretha Franklin. She just looks like she would make a really good chulent. I'm talking a chulent that will knock you out for 7 hours, and then 3 more in the restroom. But i guess she doesnt have to be jewish to make the good chulent, unless we wanna get into issues of bishul akum, which is way way way beyond the scope of this blog.
5) Reggie White. I heard he was converting before he died. Also, he made some anti-gay comments, along the lines of saying that homosexuality is an abomination. Would make for a powerfu and controversial pulpit Rabbi.
That is the entire list. By no means do I mean for this to be a racist type RANT. I was actually raised by an African American women, and she only beat me sparilngly. And she told me it was payback b/c my people had oppressed hers for millions of years. So everything evens out. Enjoy your Feb-ooo-erry. GN