Saturday Night's allright for anything

This rant may be a bit more rantier than the usual ones, b/c I really am just gonna go through how I spent my last Saturday night, which was probably as abnormal and random as saturday nights can get. But before I get to that, I just want to express my anger concerning a recent purchase I just made. I just bought a "case" and "car adopter" for my i-pod nano-nano, which cost a combined 38.36 american dollars. I just want to say that this is getting absurd. If one purchases one of these I-pods, one should not need to pay any additional money for it to function at its highest level. The 250 bucks should already ensure that the screen won't get scratched and that it will play in my purple ford taurus. Its gonna get outta hand soon....I can imagine the following scenario in my head:

You cannot eat that bagel while listening to your I-pod, You need to now purchase a special I-pod bagel. It cost 343 dollars. And no, that bagel does not come pre-sliced. You need to buy an extra I-pod bagel slicer for 23 dollars. And special I-pod cream cheese also. You get the point.

Back to Saturday night. My friend "knolly", tells me about a gathering in NYC for someone I don't know. This immedietly placed me in the typical "saturday night dillemma". Stay home and most probably engage in halachically muttar activity (b'tul z'man aside), or go out and potentially engage in non-muttar halachic activity. I consulted "Mom" on this issue, and she advised me "not to be a loser, and get the hell out of the house". So, knowing that I was fulfilling Kivud av v'eim, or maybe just Kivud eim, (which is easier to fulfill, which is why Av is put before Eim- not b/c men are better or anything, so if any femanist idiot tries to tell u that, punch them) I consulted a train schedule and was on my way. I also was accompanied by two other characters named "chief" and "romper", and we made a collective decision to attain food items before bording the LIRR party train. We got pizza and fries to go, and made the train w/ time to spare. This is all boring.

Now, u will notice that I referred to the train as the "LIRR party train", and I do not give u any guzmah here. If you go on the train on a saturday night towards NYC, everyone on the train will be drinking an alcoholic beverage. Most people will have this drink called "Olde English", which is for the lower class masses. Of course, since my parents, teachers, and rebeiim probably read this thing, me and my pals did not buy 24 oz beers at the exon station in west hempstead. We also did not bring some scotch in a water bottle with small l'chaim glasses. None of that happened. Good. Anyway, that being said the following weird incidences occured throughout the evening:

1) Slick Italian train car incident: We were stuck in a car with what seemed like 12 greasy Italian guys drinking the "Old E". I was too afraid to speak during the train ride, but I did listen to everything they said. Inevitably, the Jew slurring came, although I'm not quite sure this really qualifies as an anti-semetic comment:
"Hey, maybe i should get a falafel, with a side of babaganush, and MENAKEM SHNEERSON"
Umm...how the heck did these guys come up with that one??? I still don't know if I actually heard them say that. Very strange remark.
2) Super expensive Chinatown convenience store with upstairs seating area: Not sure if this was really in chinatown, but on our way to the gathering we saw a lot of chinese writing on all the stores. Since 1 or all 4 of us had to urinate, we decided to stop into one, and lo and behold- there was a whole seating area upstairs. We realized that we can just buy some non-alcoholic beverages here and sit upstairs and enjoy them. We also realized that we needed a key to the bathroom. Luckily, the Chinese guy gave it to us, but he also charged 5 times the normal price for a beverage. I think its b/c he knew we would make a copy of the key down the block, so that we could use it anytime we want in the future. That would be awesome....even if someone is in there, u can simply open the door and explain to him that this is your bathroom. Anyway, we stayed upstairs in this place for about an hour b/c we lost track of time and we are idiots.

3) Homeless or just maybe really drunk Asian guy in penn station: I have skipped the details of the gathering I attended b/c they do not concern the public. For details, you can consult my newest blog - "CheshbonHanefesh.blogspot.com". Anyway, we are sitting around penn station waiting for a 4 am train, when we see this asian guy sitting against a pole, and repeatedly screaming the same phrase over and over and over.
"Nice POakkk" Or maybe it was "Nice work" Or maybe it was "Nice Pork". Very unclear. A few observations here. Firstly, if you are really drunk or homeless or both, would u want to repeat the same meaningless phrase over and over. I know that when I talk to myself, I always like to change phrases to keep myself on my toes. I also change voices. Secondly, has anyone ever ever seen a homeless asian person? The answer is obviously no. Why is this? Maybe b/c every Asian person who makes it to America is presumably talented enough to have a profession. Maybe the homeless Asians are in Asia. I dont know.

Oh yeah..finally- to top this whole night off we see the same Scary Italian group waiting for the train at 4 am. I asked them how "Menakem Shneerson" tastes. They were puzzled, and luckily no punches were thrown. Just another saturday night of randomness.

A healthy addiction?

Now that my mourning period for rosa parks has ended, I can get back to concentrating on writing these rants. One thing that I have been thinking about alot lately is: Am I obsessed with sports to the point that it has now become unhealthy? For example, today I got home from class and I really had to go to the bathroom. I also realized that I had mysteriously forgotten to take out the garbage from the night before, and the entire apartment smelled like it. I also had to clean the George Eric Foreman Grill that I had used, and that also takes alot of time b/c you have to scrape off all the dried out burnt meat. I was also really hungry. To summarize, I had alot of important things to do. Also, the above list of things should show why I might want to consider the option of marriage. Anyway, the real point here is that I did not do any of the above things b/c I had to sit on the couch and watch SportsCenter. And I told myself I would only watch the first few minutes, but an hour later, and I really really had to pee. This is not the only recent example I have of this type of behavior. Let me tell you about my Sunday. I am not making this up or using any "guzma". If anyone knew what "guzma" was, extra points for you.
Anyway, on Sunday I woke up to attend minyan, and then took the oft-quoted "post minyan nap". I then woke up and proceeded to go straight to the television for a day of football. When football ended, so did my day, I pased out on the couch till monday.

Its not just watching and following sports on the internet. Its also the "fantasy sports", which I have been involved with since age 8 or so. I'm not gonna use this rant as a place to explain to my female readers what "fantasy sports" means. Just know that if your husband/bf/etc. has never been involved with them he is either very orthodox or gay or both. I guess I should also apologize to my female readers for devoting an entire rant to the topic of sports. Although, some of you may follow it, lets face it- its probably a select few. To make it up to you, I will try to devote my next rant to a more female oriented topic- such as knitting.

Is this sports-related behavior unique to me? Definetly not. Anyone who has been to an NFL game knows how this thing is a religion to many people in this country. But I do think that the whole sports fascination does occupy a unique place for Orthodox Jews. Think about your highschool class- was there any guys in the class that were not into sports - either through playing them or following them or both? There were a few, but they were either the computer geek kids that liked star wars, or the really big crackheads. Even the regular, averege-crackheads were still into playing sports. And go to your local teen/young adult/young couples minyan on shabbos, and every single guy will be talking either fantasy or real sports. The reason for this might be b/c alot of other pleasureable things are off limits to us growing up. And of course, we just wanted to be normal and fit in with the rest of this culture, but how could we do that? Mcdonalds? No. Sex at a young age? No. Sports. You better believe it. As I always say "fantasy sports is the only kinda fantasizing that is muttar"

Now I was never one to really play that many sports. I was on the tennis team, but we only played like 5 games in 3 years, and I don't think anyone actually came to see them, so basically I can be making this all up. I was also on the chess team, but even espn2 doesn't ever show chess, so I don't think it qualifies. The one time I was really consistently involved in sports was "little league". Although I cannot remember everything from those days as clearly as I wish I could, I do know that these were some of the greatest times. There were only a few bad parts to the whole little league experience. 1) Parents who came to game and yelled at their own kids and at umpires. (usually from five towns teams). These parents should be shot or arrested. I distinctly remember seeing a kid get screamed at by his own father and feeling so bad for this kid. I remember thinking "this is why kids do drugs." It turned out I was wrong, and that kids do drugs for a wide variety of other reasons which are beyond the scope of this rant. 2) Coaches who dressed in the little league uniform. This was strange. When the father/coach orders all the uniforms is it weird when he asks: "And also, do u make those in adult sizes? Oh you do? wonderful- I'll have one that says "coach on the back." These people always just looked silly.

Other than that, little league was a great time, and it just infused me with a love for baseball, and perhaps sports in general. My father, thank g-d, did not try and wear a tight uniform to the games. Even more importantly, he did not ever come close to yelling at me or any umpire or kid. He just sat in a lawn chair and enjoyed the whole experience. And it didn't matter if we won or lost-, b/c after every away game, he would take us to ice-cream. Sports was fun then and its fun now. Its a diversion from the real world, and I think we definetly need it. But beyond that, it creates bonds and memorable moments, whether its watching the Yankees crumble to the Sox, or remembering when your friends won the basketball title in 10th grade, or going to ice cream with your Dad after embarrasing little league loses. So my conclusion, dear readers, is that sports is a healthy diversion after all. Enjoy it.