Just because its been awhile...

I promised myself I would not RANT during finals, and as usual I will now break that promise. I just finished my first of 4 finals, which was a "24 hour takeaway exam" according to the lashon used by the law school people. I have never experienced a test of this nature, and hope not to experience it ever again. They give u 24 hours, which made me feel compelled to spend all 24 hours working on this test. Furthermore, there was a word limit of 3,000 words, which meant that I spent the majority of my time trying to cut out things I already wrote in the first 6 hours. Now, in all seriousness I did not spend 24 hours on this test, but I bet there were some overly-efficient Asian students that may have. Consequently, their were work is probably superior to mine and they will grab the few A's and A - 's that are available as part of this unfair bell curve. This all means that I, who spent about 8 hours on this - which is what a normal person would do- , will most probably thrown into the B category. If anyone understood that entire discussion, good job.

So what else did I do during this 24 hour period of exam-fun? Well, I did what every 22 year old introspective person would have done...thought about deep life issues. The first of these issues is how school is going to completely ruin my Pesach. Forget the fact that I will have to read this crap during the holiday. More important is that my "simchas Yomtov" will be completely destroyed. How am I supposed to enjoy time with my family and friends when I have two finals hanging over my head? Yes, life is tough indeed. I
It was quite the polar opposite scenario last Pesach. I was a guy with no worries, and was down in Florida for a little vacation. This now leads to an inevitable discussion of Florida on Pesach. Is there something inherently wrong with spending Pesach, the symbolic holiday of our redemption from exile, in Florida? I think the answer is no, but you still have to wonder about many many people deciding to spend their money and take their families to the beaches of Miami, rather than taking their children to kiss the Kotel in Jerusalem. Can one go to Miami on Pesach and still make it a spiritually uplifting experience? The answer is probably yes, but it also probably requires a much higher degree of effort. Lets be honest right now. The majority of us go down there, and love the "scene". Some of us will speak openly about how we hate the "scene" but our actions do not validate our words. Some of us will comfortably label ourselves as "religious", but then make our Pesach holiday about what color shirt to wear at the Eden Rock. Thats not freedom, thats exile. Thats not L'shana habah B'yerushalayim. Thats L'shana Habah B'eden Rock...with nicer pants from Banana Republic. And if anyone feels upset by what I just wrote, I am talking to myself here, so dont take it so personally.

So this year I did something that I never thought I would ever have the will power to do. I had my flight to Florida booked and ready to go. I was only going to be down there for the last 3 days, but hey "thats plenty of time to show my face, and make my presence known." 3 days is plenty of time to run into people, pretend you dont see them, and then run into them over and over again. But this time I broke the pattern. This time I called up the airline, cancelled my ticket, and payed the cancellation fee. This year I realized that spending my Pesach in Florida, as carefree as it may have been, will not help me yearn for our people's redemption. If anything, it will make me feel comfortable with the way things are. This year I decided I wanted to feel Pesach.

wedding notes

As far as I know there were at least 3 jewish weddings in the tri-state area this past sunday, which means that 78% of all Jews over age 20 were at one of these events. As for me, I was at Marina Del Ray, and I would like to extend a Mazel Tov to Yoni and Kiss. Here are some observations and thoughts from my day at a wedding.

Walking down the aisle: I knew this would give me some difficulty. First, I wasn't sure how fake to make the smile. I knew I couldnt walk down without any smile at all, but on the other hand, I knew I shouldn't smile like a moron either from ear to ear. So I tried to come up with some type of half smile, but that also looked ridiculus. Additionally, I was unsure at what speed to walk down the aisle. Eventually, I realized that it was completely pointless to think about this b/c it was completely dependant on what song was played while I walked down. Of course, no one told me what song would be played, and I dont even remember what actually was played, but I think it was one of the various "Ani Maamins". By the way, how come almost all the Ani Maamin songs are written to that one Ani Maamin. Why not make some of the songs go with some of the other ones, allowing for greater lyrical variety?
Another thing I failed to realize is that I would be walking down with a friend of mine (smith), and would have to somehow walk in-step with him. This reminded me of olden times, when girls used to try and lock arms and walk with me. To be honest, this happened at most 3 times in my life. I hated it if a girl would try to do this b/c it always made me paranoid about my height, and I felt like as we were walking the girl was getting taller and taller, and I was shrinking. I'm not sure why walking arm and arm led to these feelings. Anyway, to solve this aisle-walking problem we came up with a brilliant solution; we would simply hold hands while we walk down. I guess this offended some people, as it suggested that we were homosexuals,(not that there's anything wrong with it) but I really don't see the problem with it. It was a showing of unity and solidarity, and most importantly - friendship. If guys kiss eachother at a wedding, why can't they hold hands while walking down an aisle? Is my logic sound here? Point out the logical flaws in this argument for 5 points.

Dressing room: Being a groomsman or usher or whatever you call it, allowed me to go "behind the scenes" of the wedding for the first time. I got to see the dressing room, which I envisioned would be a nice private area for me to study my chiseled body for hours in the mirror. Instead, I walked into a community dressing room...and was awkwardly cornered between two middle aged men while we all tried to change. Not fun for anyone.

Bathroom: I'm very confused about what I saw in the bathroom at this wedding. You had one of these guys sitting on a chair by the door, so I immedietly thought it was one of these bathroom attendant dudes, who i absolutely hate. Its a "lose-lose" situation with these guys. Either you gotta tip them for doing nothing, and to make matters worse you usually don't have any small bills at these events. OR, you can avoid the tip by not washing your hands, and quickly rushing outta there. Some may choose the non-washing option for a #1, but everyone will agree that you gotta wash for #2. The smartest idea is therefore to wash your hands at the water fountain. Also, I wonder if there are these attendant types in the female bathrooms. Are these attendants female, or do they put male attendants in the female bathrooms? I can't imagine they do, but I also can't imagine a female bathroom attendant.
Anyway, in this case, the guy was just sitting on a chair, and was not offering us towels or soap or cologne or potpurri to sprinkle on us like magic dust...so I am not sure at all what he was doing there. He may have just been a tired guy with diahreaa who was camped out in the bathroom. Thats enough for now. Mazel Tov to all the newlyweds.