wedding notes
As far as I know there were at least 3 jewish weddings in the tri-state area this past sunday, which means that 78% of all Jews over age 20 were at one of these events. As for me, I was at Marina Del Ray, and I would like to extend a Mazel Tov to Yoni and Kiss. Here are some observations and thoughts from my day at a wedding.
Walking down the aisle: I knew this would give me some difficulty. First, I wasn't sure how fake to make the smile. I knew I couldnt walk down without any smile at all, but on the other hand, I knew I shouldn't smile like a moron either from ear to ear. So I tried to come up with some type of half smile, but that also looked ridiculus. Additionally, I was unsure at what speed to walk down the aisle. Eventually, I realized that it was completely pointless to think about this b/c it was completely dependant on what song was played while I walked down. Of course, no one told me what song would be played, and I dont even remember what actually was played, but I think it was one of the various "Ani Maamins". By the way, how come almost all the Ani Maamin songs are written to that one Ani Maamin. Why not make some of the songs go with some of the other ones, allowing for greater lyrical variety?
Another thing I failed to realize is that I would be walking down with a friend of mine (smith), and would have to somehow walk in-step with him. This reminded me of olden times, when girls used to try and lock arms and walk with me. To be honest, this happened at most 3 times in my life. I hated it if a girl would try to do this b/c it always made me paranoid about my height, and I felt like as we were walking the girl was getting taller and taller, and I was shrinking. I'm not sure why walking arm and arm led to these feelings. Anyway, to solve this aisle-walking problem we came up with a brilliant solution; we would simply hold hands while we walk down. I guess this offended some people, as it suggested that we were homosexuals,(not that there's anything wrong with it) but I really don't see the problem with it. It was a showing of unity and solidarity, and most importantly - friendship. If guys kiss eachother at a wedding, why can't they hold hands while walking down an aisle? Is my logic sound here? Point out the logical flaws in this argument for 5 points.
Dressing room: Being a groomsman or usher or whatever you call it, allowed me to go "behind the scenes" of the wedding for the first time. I got to see the dressing room, which I envisioned would be a nice private area for me to study my chiseled body for hours in the mirror. Instead, I walked into a community dressing room...and was awkwardly cornered between two middle aged men while we all tried to change. Not fun for anyone.
Bathroom: I'm very confused about what I saw in the bathroom at this wedding. You had one of these guys sitting on a chair by the door, so I immedietly thought it was one of these bathroom attendant dudes, who i absolutely hate. Its a "lose-lose" situation with these guys. Either you gotta tip them for doing nothing, and to make matters worse you usually don't have any small bills at these events. OR, you can avoid the tip by not washing your hands, and quickly rushing outta there. Some may choose the non-washing option for a #1, but everyone will agree that you gotta wash for #2. The smartest idea is therefore to wash your hands at the water fountain. Also, I wonder if there are these attendant types in the female bathrooms. Are these attendants female, or do they put male attendants in the female bathrooms? I can't imagine they do, but I also can't imagine a female bathroom attendant.
Anyway, in this case, the guy was just sitting on a chair, and was not offering us towels or soap or cologne or potpurri to sprinkle on us like magic dust...so I am not sure at all what he was doing there. He may have just been a tired guy with diahreaa who was camped out in the bathroom. Thats enough for now. Mazel Tov to all the newlyweds.
Walking down the aisle: I knew this would give me some difficulty. First, I wasn't sure how fake to make the smile. I knew I couldnt walk down without any smile at all, but on the other hand, I knew I shouldn't smile like a moron either from ear to ear. So I tried to come up with some type of half smile, but that also looked ridiculus. Additionally, I was unsure at what speed to walk down the aisle. Eventually, I realized that it was completely pointless to think about this b/c it was completely dependant on what song was played while I walked down. Of course, no one told me what song would be played, and I dont even remember what actually was played, but I think it was one of the various "Ani Maamins". By the way, how come almost all the Ani Maamin songs are written to that one Ani Maamin. Why not make some of the songs go with some of the other ones, allowing for greater lyrical variety?
Another thing I failed to realize is that I would be walking down with a friend of mine (smith), and would have to somehow walk in-step with him. This reminded me of olden times, when girls used to try and lock arms and walk with me. To be honest, this happened at most 3 times in my life. I hated it if a girl would try to do this b/c it always made me paranoid about my height, and I felt like as we were walking the girl was getting taller and taller, and I was shrinking. I'm not sure why walking arm and arm led to these feelings. Anyway, to solve this aisle-walking problem we came up with a brilliant solution; we would simply hold hands while we walk down. I guess this offended some people, as it suggested that we were homosexuals,(not that there's anything wrong with it) but I really don't see the problem with it. It was a showing of unity and solidarity, and most importantly - friendship. If guys kiss eachother at a wedding, why can't they hold hands while walking down an aisle? Is my logic sound here? Point out the logical flaws in this argument for 5 points.
Dressing room: Being a groomsman or usher or whatever you call it, allowed me to go "behind the scenes" of the wedding for the first time. I got to see the dressing room, which I envisioned would be a nice private area for me to study my chiseled body for hours in the mirror. Instead, I walked into a community dressing room...and was awkwardly cornered between two middle aged men while we all tried to change. Not fun for anyone.
Bathroom: I'm very confused about what I saw in the bathroom at this wedding. You had one of these guys sitting on a chair by the door, so I immedietly thought it was one of these bathroom attendant dudes, who i absolutely hate. Its a "lose-lose" situation with these guys. Either you gotta tip them for doing nothing, and to make matters worse you usually don't have any small bills at these events. OR, you can avoid the tip by not washing your hands, and quickly rushing outta there. Some may choose the non-washing option for a #1, but everyone will agree that you gotta wash for #2. The smartest idea is therefore to wash your hands at the water fountain. Also, I wonder if there are these attendant types in the female bathrooms. Are these attendants female, or do they put male attendants in the female bathrooms? I can't imagine they do, but I also can't imagine a female bathroom attendant.
Anyway, in this case, the guy was just sitting on a chair, and was not offering us towels or soap or cologne or potpurri to sprinkle on us like magic dust...so I am not sure at all what he was doing there. He may have just been a tired guy with diahreaa who was camped out in the bathroom. Thats enough for now. Mazel Tov to all the newlyweds.
posted by The Fades @ 8:07 AM
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