the hotel life

I have always been fascinated and slightly obsessed with hotels, and I cannot really explain why. It could be that I just love the idea that I can mess up the room as much as humanly possible, and immedietly after I leave, a person will come and restore it to impeccable cleanliness. The blankets will be folded perfectly, and I will be given new towels, and small shampoos and "bathroom foams". This is noy just regular "cleanliness", this is "impeccable". I am very unsure if I used this word correctly. I also am pretty sure that i spelled it incorrectly.

Anyway, it is for this reason, that I decided to book myself a hotel room in the " Prima Kings Hotel and Casino" located in Jerusalem, Israel. Now, I know what you are thinking...why didn't you just stay in your old yeshiva, which many people consider to be a "hotel" in its own right. Well, there are a few reasons why I didn't, but the main one is that so many people are visiting yeshiva right now, that I probably would have had to sleep on a mattress on a floor. Last time I did that, I got sick from all the dust and foot odor and also because I didn't bring my own blanket and pillow. This meant that I was forced to borrow some old blanket and pillow from someone else and it smelled like a dead old woman. Actually, in reality, it probably smelt completely fine, but whenever I use someone else's blankets/pillows/sheets, I always smell them and force myself into thinking that they have some weird foreign smell attached. Does anyone else do this? Anyway, the end result of all this was that I needed to stay in a real bona-fide hotel. Also, I wanted to be close to ben-yehudah.

So I get to this hotel, and I get my keys, and I go to room 432...and let me tell you something- this room was just as "dead old ladyish" as any room can get. But i wasn't about to go complain b/c i was dead tired and so i just went to sleep. As luck would have it though, I complained the next day to "mom", and she made a couple phone calls and a was moved to room 116. Now room 116- this is what i had envisioned as my dream hotel room. I had a balcony, new furniture, marble stuff in the bathroom, etc. The truth is- it was really the exact same room, but everything was new, whereas in the old room everything was from 1934. So I think that it's interesting to note how much a change in style effects my mindset. What is even more intersting to note is that I could not be a mature adult and get my room changed myself. Instead, I had to place a call to "mom", who was in America, and she had to call my travel agent, who was in Israel, and she had to call the hotel front desk, which was 4 floors lower than my current physical location. It seems that it would have been easier for me to simply go down and switch rooms. But Alas- I am not good at doing things myself.

I think the main thing I learnt from my 12 days in the Kings Hotel and Casino, is that hotel life is not all that its cracked up to be. At least it wasn't at this particular location. First of all, I think that the " please do not disturb/please make up my room" sign was completely ineffective. I hung this thing on my door every night, but housekeeping still knocked on my door starting around 9:30 a.m every morning. Now here is my question: Doesn't knocking on my door every 15 minutes constitute a disturbance? I think the problem is that the Israeli or Arab housekeeping staff could not read english, and therefore could not determine whether my little sign said "do not disturb" or "make up my room". Maybe an argument can be made that they should be able to tell the difference since the words are different, but I can see it being confusing. I know that when I look at arab words they definetly all look the same to me.

Some more problems with the "do not disturb sign", while we are discussing it: It is a demeaning thing to the housekeeping staff and violates their human rights to a certain degree. Its kinda like slavery: Ok- i am in this hotel room, and you are my housekeeping staff- now whichever way I turn this little sign, you will do what it says. If I turn it this way- stay away from me! Do not disturb! And if i turn it the other way- MAke up my room! Fold everything, pick up my dirty clothes, give me new towels, and do not steal any agurot i leave lying around!
Umm...isn't there some more humane to work this system out. I think the hotels should institute some type of policy where you sign up for what half hour you want the cleaning to be done. That way you know when they are coming, and you get the hell out. One additional problem with the whole do not disturb sign is that its misdirected at the wrong audience. Sure, its annoying when the housekeeping knocks on your door, but you know what is an even greater disturbance? Babies and toddlers running through the halls at 7 am. Perhaps, if this occurs, I should be allowed to walk out of my room, and slap the mother of these children across her face with a do not disturb sign. And yes, this did happen, except I didnt go out and slap the mother. Instead, I just rolled around in my giant double bed and yelled "quiet, sheket, quiet, sheket" over and over.

You know what else didn't live up to the hype? The "included free breakfast" that lasts till 10 AM. My first day there, I woke up at 9:52 and panicked as if I was missing an interview or something. I ran down to the dining room without any shoes on, in a wife beater, and my shorts on backwards. Of course, I ran into 43 people I know, and never saw them again the rest of my trip. This was my first and only time attending the breakfast. I first went for some refreshing juice, but then realized there was pulp in it, and spit it out everywhere. I tried this with a few different juices, and finally just had to settle for cold water, which I could have just gotten from my sink. There were many things that made me nauseous at breakfast. Lots of fish, with the heads and the eye...don't know why those were at breakfast. Also, lots of fruit and cheeses that looked old. Also, the eggs were old looking. But, i guess this all makes sense because the breakfast is free, so why should it be appeatizing. In economics they teach us that there is no 'Free lunch" (or in this case "free breakfast") but the truth is there is a free lunch- it will just make you wanna vomit.

I guess, reflecting now, I am complaining a bit too much. The hotel was nice, and the beds were comfy. And nothing at all was stolen from my room at all. And like I said before, the location was great. But the best thing about the hotel was the lesson it taught me: that hotel life is certainly not all that I had hoped for.