The Fades Rant

I'm the Fades, and I rant b/c i have some time to. I dont know..i'll talk about many things on this blog. Religion, girls, life. Thats about it. So really, I'll talk about 3 things.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

shul seat stealer

It seems like all I ever write about these days is my time spent in synagogue. I'm not sure what that means. In any event, I will now record a completely true and somewhat disturbing incident that occured right before my very eyes this past shabbos.

I was in western hempstead, and decided to attend the "teen" minyan, b/c the "young adult" minayn did not meet this week. I'm not sure when I'm gonna have to start going to the old adult minyan...i wonder what the cut-off is. I say that under 30, you can still go to young adult minyan, but over 30 you should never be seen there. In addition, if you are bald or have grey hair, you should go to the regular adult minyan. I would make some type of married-rule and say that all married people should go to a regular adult minyan, but it seems that people like to get married as young adults these days, and thus belong in the "young adult" minyan. Then again, if you don't live in west hempstead, you probably don't have any clue what the hell I am talking about and you can just pretend you didn't read this whole paragraph.

Anyway, sometimes there are strange adults that sneak their way into these younger-generation minyans. I'm really not sure what these guys are doing here. The "leader/founder" of the minyan is an older fellow and he belongs. Same goes for parents that are drifting in to hear their kids leign and s like that. U "shep nachas". But there are also alot of parents who come by to spy on their kids and make sure they r in the minyan. Those parents annoy me. I am going to start coming to their minyan and spying on them and make sure they are davening properly and what not. I'm also gonna come to their office and spy on them and make sure they r doing their jobs. But even worse than these parents, are the parents that come to the minyan with their kids and sit with them the entire time. This has to be torture for the kids. I think the whole point of these minyans is to give the kids some freedom and time to develop their own davening feelings and skills. Actually, I have no idea what I'm talking about and I don't really know what the point of these minyans are. If anyone does, please tell me. The point is that the parents that come to the minyans with their kids are annoying to their own children, and more importantly, to me.

And this weekend in particular was dificult. I got up from my seat to tell my friend yoni wiesel what happened in every MLB boxscore that I had read at home. Naturally, on shabbos, no matter how late I wake up, I still go through every box score in the paper 900 times so that I can be even later to shul. Now then, telling all the boxscore details to yoni during torah reading can be quite a long process b/c you can only say them in between aliyahs, and that is a minimal window of time. So I must have been standing next to him for about 2 aliyahs, when I large balding man decided to take my seat. This is bad b/c he clearly saw me sitting there 6 minutes ago, and he clearly saw me standing in the back discussing important baseball pitches, like chris capuano's increasing # of quality starts. It would be one thing (a misdemeanor) if he would have stolen my seat while I went to the bathroom. It is a completely different thing (a felony, for which hot malten lead should be poured down his fat throat) to steal my seat right in front of me. And to top it all off, it was an aisle seat.

The guy spent the rest of davening harrasing his own children and ruining their day. I was angry for a few hours about this, but now I realize that his children probably hate him, so that is enough punishment.

Happy Father's Day you seat stealer.


  • At 9:10 PM, Anonymous Evan Rosenhouse said…

    I'm not married nor do I have children. I'm young and single. I am just balding.

  • At 8:02 AM, Blogger If I Ran The World said…

    Capuano for Crisp, no longer mockworthy, nice job.

  • At 10:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    why not just tell the guy that its your seat?? At the very least, the confrontation woudl be fun

  • At 11:09 AM, Blogger The Fades said…

    i am non-confrontational

  • At 2:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    but aren't you a lawyer or something?

  • At 4:55 PM, Blogger The Fades said…

    or something...

  • At 8:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I am the guy that stole your seat...i knew what i was doing! If you would have called fives i would have never taken it, but, because you were making such an abomination inbetween aliyot with your carrying on about stupidity that i felt it was my duty to take it from you. Why you ask? to keep they talking and hooligans congregated and prevent them (namly you) away from my kids. that is also my reason for being there in the first place-to prevent you and your fellow hooligans from corrupting my children.
    I hope you learned your lesson and correct your ways-and may the lord in heaven have mercy on your soul

  • At 3:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    weird post
    not really funny
    good try

  • At 9:27 PM, Blogger The Fades said…


  • At 2:06 PM, Blogger Frum From Booth said…

    I didn't know Yoni Wiesel talked during Shul, maybe he shouldn't be the football commissioner next year.


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